That's Why You Can't Get No Man!

Today, as I was perusing Facebook, I came across a friend's status that pondered why seventy percent of professional Black women are single. Sifting through the comments I came across the responses that I expected.

Black women are single because we need to lower our standards

Begin Rant As a 23 year old, aspiring Juris Doctorate and Doctorate candidate, I find this notion of lowering standards to be extremely disheartening. It is my opinion that Black women are the only demographic constantly being told that we should lower our standards in order to get a man. THAT COULDN'T BE ANY MORE WRONG and we need to stop falling for the hype. You mean to tell me that a white woman can be a nanny and have standards set so high that she marries a pro-golf player that is now estimated at a billion dollars, but because I'm a Black Woman with a degree, I have to marry an elementary school janitor? Chile, please...

As a young girl, my daddy told me NEVER settle for anything LESS than what I think I deserve. Now with that said, not every black woman has the same standards. We assume that a Black woman with a bachelor's degree will only want a black man with one or higher, but that is not the case. I've dated black men that only had associates or technical degrees, you know those "I AM A PHOENIX" type degrees. However, standards come in all different shapes and sizes. What a degree is worth to one woman, another woman just may want a man who informally educates himself. In the words of Lil' Jon Read a Book, Read a Book, Read a Muthafuggin book!

Some standards aren't about education at all. Some women just want a man that makes them laugh and forget about the stresses of their day. C'mon you all have seen the Tyler Perry movies. Some standards may be a little more superficial, but nonetheless the women are entitled to them. If I'm 5'2" and want a taller suitor that's my prerogative. Afterall, I have to think of the children. If I'm a non smoker, non drinker and the perils of your life render you to such where you can't imagine not pouring a drink or rolling up, then I have a RIGHT to not date you. If you use too many damn smilies and exclamation points in a text message and that irritates me, then I have a RIGHT to not talk to you because of that as well. o__O

Okay, you all get my point. Nevertheless, when it comes to dating, people make Black women out to be an oxymoron personified. The complaint is that Black women are too picky, yet we don't know what we want. Or Black women always want the educated man, yet we only want to date thugs. No, how about I want the man who can rap about the state of black people without blaming the man, can make me laugh, can wrap his arm around me and make me feel safe, and let's me be the woman because he's a man?

Black men, is that REALLY all that you're worth that you're willing to be the Black woman's substandard? Oh, yes, believe me, if you expect a woman to go BELOW the standard that she has set for herself, it is at that point that you allow yourself to become a substandard. TSK. TSK. Is it soooo wrong and unfathomable that as we want more for ourselves, then we should want more from a suitable mate? Many black men claim that Black women are too hard on them, to overbearing and so forth. Well, what do you expect when you've convinced your women to accept you in all your below standard glory? Work on being her complement. If you aren't where you want to be, let her know that you're working on a plan to get there be it education, your demeanor, or your appearance (except if it's the height thing...sorry, fellas). Black women WILL work with you if we know there is the hope of progress, but what no woman appreciates is a stagnant mate.

We live in a society where not only are seventy percent of professional Black women are single, but seventy percent of Black Households are single parent households headed by black women. Not that there is a direct correlation, because not all professional women head a household and not all Black women who head a household are professional. However, the alarming rates of both of these statistics is important to note when thinking of telling a woman to lower her standards. Perhaps if some of these women had stuck with their standards they wouldn't be in this predicament. Perhaps if some black man wasn't satisfied with simply being a substandard he could have understood his value in the household and stayed around to raise his child? Or if that Black woman didn't lower her standards she could have appreciated that black man a little bit more and not treated him as though he was beneath her. Just throwing out hypothetical scenarios...

Black women, embrace your standards, love them. Hell, the very same black men telling you to lower your standards have some as well...and best believe if you don't meet them they won't hesitate to drop your ass and go "Becky" on you. See, to me, standards create a balance. They create an equal partnership, where I'm not stuck wondering what I could have had or what a relationship could have been.