***Disclaimer: I abhor the term baby mama, it just has a nice ring to it for the purpose of this post, lol.
When Fantasia's first album came out and I first heard her song "Baby Mama" I LOVED it! No, I have no kids but I gave Fanny the church clap all up and through those four minutes and fifteen seconds. I was *fist pumping* and saluting all the baby mamas out there who, as Fantasia put it, "don't get no help, gotta do everything by yoself."
Oh, but now that song has taken such a new meaning to me. It could just be the curse of Twitter and FaceBook that yields to the infatuation people have for putting ALL of their business online. In any event, I am SO sick of hearing women talking day in and day out about ain't sh*t baby daddies in order to get some approval of people who have NO input in rearing their child. Not only that, but women, teenagers and all in between STOP letting your girlfriends gas your head up talking about "yeah babymama you don't need him, I'm your baby daddy." Um, NO!
Being a willful participant in absolving a man of the responsibility of raising his child for a badge of honor is not cute. Not only that, but realize sometimes it's not that you're dealing with a man that has no intentions of stepping up and being a good father, it's just that he needs the opportunity to learn. I know you Norma Rae baby mamas are out there like "What the hell does she know?"
Awhile ago, when a friend of mine had her child, she had to deal with the child's father not quite being ready for the responsibilities of fatherhood. Although her maternal instincts kicked in, he was still going out when he wanted and coming in when he wanted. Basically, she was doing all the work, feeling under appreciated, fed up, and burnt out. When she came to me for consolation, I advised her to calmly and rationally talk to her beau let him know her position and work to get him to understand that life as he knew it, simply could not continue. The most important thing was to not create a self fulfilling prophecy in making him feel like less than a man and incapable of raising his child.
Okay, I understand that you can't make a man change and step up and accept responsibility, but YOU can control how you react to it. Constantly talking about how you don't need this "b*%&h ass man" in your life does NOT make you look like the prototype for a strong woman. There are far too many single mothers out there gloating about how they do everything for their child, they don't need him in their lives, and they can do everything themselves. Call me naive or whatever you want, but I simply do not believe that every single mother is the result of a man that wants absolutely NOTHING to do with his child. With that being said, make sure you're not cheating your child from having a relationship with both parents because you've created a situation where the man just doesn't want absolutely ANYTHING to do with you. #YeahISaidIt...and stepped in it too.
I completely agree. Beautifully written!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
ReplyDeleteYou have some good points, there are women out there that sabotage the relationship with their children's father. However, sometimes when you hear women talking about "doing everything themselves and how they dont need a man to do whatever", it could be a coping mechanism. It is difficult to accept the fact the you and a man created a child that father doesn't emotionally support. Don't give men an easy way out; that fact that he doesn't want anything to do with his child's mother is no excuse to bail out on his child. It takes two create them and two to raise them (even when you hate them)...I'm just saying
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