Wednesday, June 9, 2010

If Loving Us Is Wrong, I Don't Wanna Be White...

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Dear Black Men Who Despise Black Women:

I don't hate you. I don't pity you. I'm not apathetic to your situation. As a matter of fact, I support your right to date, marry, and procreate with whomever you choose (even if it is your second cousin, I see you Slim Thug). In any event, I respect your choice. However, let's get one thing straight. I will no longer allow my character to be called into question because of that choice.

As imperfect as I may be, those imperfections may no longer be used to demonize me or make me a scapegoat for what you desire. You see, at the end of the day, it is not about me, at least it shouldn't be about me. It is about you needing to justify your choice. Why are your "functional" relationships with white women constructed only in opposition to those you have with us? Why is your desire for white women constantly juxtaposed with your disdain for black women? There is nothing wrong with dating a white woman. However, what message are you sending to the white woman you are dating when being with her is only the solution when you perceive that loving us is wrong? Don't these women deserve to be loved on their own merits?

You see, BMWDBW your problem isn't really with black women. Your problem is that you have conformed to the commodification and objectification of all women. The problem lies in your notion that women are supposed to be docile, supposed to wait on you hand and foot, and stroke your ego at the expense of her pride, simply because you are a man. In choosing to objectify, the shinier the woman, the more distracted you become. You relinquish any responsibility you have in maintaining a functional relationship and place it all on your "object." Like other commodified goods, you look at your women and your expectations for your women as acceptable barter in the exchange of goods and services. I suspect that when white women don't fit your mold, you abandon them too. Yet, Black women are the closest to you, so we receive your backlash first.

BMWDBW, you perpetuate your stereotypes and pass them off as truth in order to make the various facets of black femininity deviant. You pick and choose what makes Black women respectable and decide when the wind blows what is inherently wrong with us. However, I suggest you take a look at yourselves. If the wind blows too hard and knocks you down, do not blame the wind for doing what it was supposed to do. Furthermore, do not assume its intent was to make you fall. Blame yourself because your roots were not planted firmly enough to enable you to endure the wind. You see, if your roots aren't firmly planted it doesn't matter what happens, when wind blows you will always end up uprooted and disheveled.

Again, I will say there is nothing wrong with dating white women. If that is truly your preference. However, do not make white women the moral opposite of your constructed "reality" for black women. Do not use the same flawed reality that implicates black women are supposed to be nurturers, yet doesn't acknowledge structural impediments we face. Do not rely on this reality that helps you transform the black woman into the overbearing matriarch. Do not rely on this false reality that suggests Black women are not worthy of your love, adoration, and protection while suggesting she was the cause of your emasculation.

BMWDW, I have long stopped caring about seeing you walking down the street with a white woman. I have long stopped caring to see you pull them in a little closer when you pass me on the street. You do not have to flaunt or defend your choice to me. I am not your main point of contention for why you have chosen a white woman. Nor am I the determining factor for your self esteem. I am simply me.

And if loving me is wrong, I don't wanna be white.
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