Abandoning My Blog

Almost a month ago I posted my last blog post. It was a three part "series" detailing my experience with guilt, depression and my mom's death. I had intended to go into a discussion revolving around the very real issue of depression in the African American community. It was really my reason for opening up.

Then something happened. Even in the midst of reading the compliments, confessions, and consolations from those who had read my blog, I had a feeling of "Did I go to far?" I had been wanting to tell my story for some time and at first, it was a relief. A relief that I would be able to help someone, who may have went through the same situation or was going through it now. People were telling me how courageous I was and I felt good about it. Then the vulnerability hit me. Maybe I wasn't as brave as I thought I was when I typed my heart onto my blog. "Had I said too much?" "Had I let way too many people into the intimate details of my shame?"

It was hard to come back to my blog the moment I started doubting myself. Not to mention the fact that my life was spiraling in all kinds of directions. There was school, The Red Pump Project's Fashion Show and before I knew it, my intentions of why I created those blog posts was forgotten. And now I find myself almost two years to the day that my mother passed, April 24th and those feelings have been coming back. So I came to my deserted blog and read. Read the posts and the comments, the compliments, confessions, and consolations and it made me feel better.

There's something about having reinforcement in the midst of self doubt. So I decided, for good, to throw away those feeling of resentment I had for myself as a result of those posts because I realize on some level it was bigger than me. With that being said. I'm back...again...iThink, lol o__O